He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
