"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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