the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize