Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
