I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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