I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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