I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
