There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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