On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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