i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
