You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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