I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Let's paint friendship bongs
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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