dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
