I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I could make wine with my vomit
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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