tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
