i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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