My first STD was from a foam party
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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