a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
