I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
