k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
