I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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