Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
