just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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