We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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