You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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