Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
