I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
