I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm jealous of your bromance
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
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If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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