Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
