Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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