You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
