I think my vagina is haunted
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
