Im at strip club and am horny
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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