Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
