Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
