Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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