I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
