im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
