yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
