Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
