I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
