Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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