covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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