my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
