Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
