She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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