She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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