I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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