Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
