grandma shit on top of the toilet
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just blew my weed a kiss
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
