how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
