3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
