And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
