he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
