On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
This is my gift to your gina
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
