You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
