i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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