you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
