How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
