Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
