i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
