Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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