Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
