can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
She needs sedatives and a leash
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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