You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
