So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
