Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
