just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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