so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
so much tequila, so little girl.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
