You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
where does the pee come out of this thing
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
