ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
