I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
