Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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