If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
