I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
