that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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