I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
he just fucked me for my cheese.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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